i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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