And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
