why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the day after is always just damage control
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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