idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
