i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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