the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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