i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
