Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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