Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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