It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
