My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
