Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
