kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
