HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
