someone threw a dead crab at me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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