I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
