I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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