when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
