He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My orgasm happened in two different decades
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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