When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize