i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
