I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
