At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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