I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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