I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
