Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
