My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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