There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
