OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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