So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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