we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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