I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
