so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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