he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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