After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
