Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize