can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
