saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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