i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
