I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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