shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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