Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
