porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
