Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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