So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize