Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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