It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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