roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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