Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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