ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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