The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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