just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Will exercising make me less horny?
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