I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
