you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
