I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
