remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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