No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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