someone threw a dead crab at me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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