Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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