While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
