I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
you made out with another girl for some wings
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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