I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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