Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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