she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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