we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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