If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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