Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
