What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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