just come out here and I will go home with you...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize